I finally go the toggle idea to work. This is android specific.
I wrote a single NFC tag to run a task through the app NFC Tasks. It triggers a macro that I wrote in the app Macrodroid that simply sends a http request. I named the macro the same on multiple phones but each phone has the appropriate endpoint for the person specific rule in their macro.
Toggle presence macro sends endpoint to wife rule when triggered on her phone, Toggle presence macro sends endpoint to my rule when triggered on my phone. etc
I don't use Tasker, but I assume the same method would work. Name the task the same on each phone but have it point to the correct endpoint.
The only caveat so far is when my wife or daughter leaves the house and forgets to tap the tag and "log out" I'll probably have to mount a chocolate dispenser next to the tag so they remember 
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