Well, I don't know...I always thought an on/off rocker switch should be straightforward enough, and having four of them ganged on one unit isn't too much more to ask.
Agreed, though, that performance (reliability) was a huge factor, and here the migration from SmartThings to Hubitat has made a world of difference. While the VRCZ4 buttons are wanting in terms of tactile response, for me (and, I think, my family) the real culprit was always latency -- I mean, anyone can miss flipping a switch on a careless stab, but it was really the having to wait 2 or 3 seconds at times (or even more) before knowing whether you'd succeeded that was the most maddening. With the Hubitat, that's pretty much gone, and even the occasional lag is still sub-second now.
I have to say that your son's quip is perhaps the funniest thing I've heard in a very long time. Please extend my compliments!
Again, although I haven't looked into scenes yet, I could see where they might not work with my current VRCZ4 dimming (up/down) logic, which depends on reading the current level of the connected switch(es) and then looping an increment against that starting level until the button is released -- not sure you can "read" the level of a scene the same way, so maybe that's an issue here?
Might be worth logging the up/down activity of a VRCS4 (if you have one) to see what the message traffic looks like while dimming a scene.