So, base on suggestions from you all I now have a list of items that causes a drop in SAF, and I have been able to correct some and minimize others (for now). I have added SmartThings buttons to our room, living room, basement, etc. I have also set all the Inovelli Red series dimmers to instant on AND SHE SAID WOW IT WORKS! She also stated that I like it when it works. I never really had any of the issues they had but at least she is coming around with it. All the adjustments have taken me hours to do so lucky this is a hobby. Thank you all you have save me a lot of pain and frustration.
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Also follow up with the spouse occasionally. They get use to how everything works but since there aren't big issues anymore the smaller issues start to creep up and annoy them now.
These tend to be SAF sinks for my home. So much so that they are no longer in use.
Picos 4 lyfe.
My advice on spousal acceptance of home automation is similar to my advice on most aspects of marriage - communication, communication, communication! Listen to what frustrates them and try to solve their problems. When you implement a new automation, explain that it is an experiment and you want them to give it a chance and then tell you whether they like it. Be ready to modify it or undo it if they object, even if you think their objections are stupid. You'll have some hits. You'll have some misses. The system will not end up the way you would do it if your opinion was the only one that mattered, and that is how it should be.
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I've been reading this thread with interest given my own SAF challenges. Bottom line. Your spouse should be your customer. Identify his/her needs (which may require some observation of habits and challenges), and any current annoyances. Address those and you're a hero (and then he/she may overlook some of the other things you do).
Automation to satisfy your own goals (which, admittedly, is what I'm mainly doing), will be, at best, viewed neutrally, and can go downhill quickly if you do anything to introduce issues for the spouse.
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This!!! My wife and daughter have most definitely helped me in my work with my residential clients. They (and FAF) help keep me grounded in all the ways I need to be...
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I learned something new today. Do not be changing modems to a new isp when the wife is in the other room talking to alexa.
I've never heard such language...
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Bumping an old thread, reading through it gives me hope.
Tonight I got the 'just rip it all out' comment. There are really 3 main things I need to fix to get the SAF/KAF higher again. Received a new hub yesterday, so a bit bumpy.
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I just say it's my hobby, few things left to enjoy at my married age, stop complaining lol 
The most annoying thing was motion lighting which was horribly slow and sporadic until I moved it onto Node-RED. Oh and how my wife only ever uses Google to show off when her friends are over and invariably it doesn't work because I've just been tinkering with it yet again ha ha ha 
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Pretty much everything is automated (as in runs through rule machine not voice controlled) with the option of voice control and when those two fail (which isn't very often at all) a switch or button is available to do the same thing. Have the WAF approval at around 90% 
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Going to repeat pretty much what you’ve just read, but every automated action needs to have at least one physical way to interact as a backup. Automations need to be consistent and predictable, surprises very rarely lead to good SAF/WAF. If you are using voice commands, make sure that you take into account the different ways the spouse may reference the device they want to control (my wife generally has at least 3 ways that she refers to something - device, location, activity), and look out for singular and pural versions of the references.
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Ironically, that is usually me, and i get frustrated and threaten to throw Alexa out the window! But seriously, I am sorta watching Mycroft to see how that plays out and if there ends up being some kind of support (either official or community). The biggest thing keeping Alexa around is actually Amazon music. I think i have a work around for that, so if I can get the voice control for the HA without Alexa (or google) worked out ill be in good shape.
For the most part my wife has been pretty accepting. there were a few weeks recently when i had multiple issues cascade at once. that did some damage, but shes rebounding quickly.
