You win...this is awesome.
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It took 5 minutes, lol.
My solution...pushes an "Away" or "Home" zigbee button when my car leaves or arrives home, and brings me food and drink. Two-fer. Very reliable, and I have him training his son for when I ship him off to a home for retired butlers.
If a butler seems a bit too bougie, I like the approach of a tilt sensor on a string...my wife uses the tennis ball on a string method, replacing the tennis ball w/a tilt sensor would be an easy change. In our case I'd set hanging straight down (i.e., not tilted) to be away and tilted (when laying at an angle against the windshield) would be home. You can use a time requirement on the tilt (only change home/away status after continous minute or two in changed state) to avoid false readings from the sensor moving around when bumped when the car is gone.
I think we're done here. 
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